4 DUMB THINGS WE SAY (that prevent our growth)

4 DUMB THINGS WE SAY (that prevent our growth)

Hey everybody, it’s Brendon Burchard, and
today I’m talking about the four dumb things we say that prevents our own personal growth
and professional excellence. Look, we all have internal thoughts that sometimes
slow us down. I’m sure you know that sometimes you have
negative thinking. Sometimes, you say things to yourself that
justifies bad behavior or laziness or distraction. We all do. So, there’s no judgment to this except that
yes, it’s kind of dumb. We say certain things that we just culturally
get used to saying that we never really explore and those things hurt our personal development. So, what I want to do is dig down into these
four things we say because they are dumb and I know once you hear a little logic behind
them, you will say, “It’s not worth saying that to myself anymore because it’s not
a true story” and it’s only holding you back. Okay, so first and foremost, before we go,
I want you to think about a big dream of yours. Something that you really care about, something
you really want to make happen or a goal that you also have had for a while and you’ve
been trying to do it but it’s just not working out well. Maybe, you’re telling yourself one of these
four dumb things, okay. So, to start off, the first one with you,
I’m going to move this aside and here it is. I hear this one all the time. Brendon, I’ve tried everything. Whenever I hear that, I know I’m talking
with a crazy person. I’m just teasing. Here’s what I know. People often, when they hear a new idea, or
you say, “Hey, have you thought about chasing that dream or pursuing your goal”. They say, “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’ve tried
everything.” And because they tried one, two, three, maybe,
four things, they say, “Didn’t work for me. That’s not right for me. That’s not possible for me” and those
aren’t true stories. As a high-performance coach, often when I
sit down with people, I talk about their dreams, they often say this to me, “Well Brendon,
I’ve already tried everything.” And so, I say to them, “Oh great, then show
me the list.” And they go, “What do you mean?” I say, “Show me the list.” They say, “What do you mean?” I say, “Well, if you tried everything then
of course you would have had to keep a detailed list of what you tried, when you tried it,
what results you got, what worked and what didn’t work. If you didn’t have a list like that, you
couldn’t ensure things that were like mutually exclusive.” And if you couldn’t tell things that were
mutually exclusive, then you wouldn’t know you tried everything. So, have you ever told yourself that? “I’ve already tried everything. It didn’t work.” Think about how many times in your life you
give up to soon. You’re at like that 10-yard line, the touchdown’s
right there but you’re like, “Well, I’ve tried everything. I guess it’s not working.” And you back off. You know, we know from the psychology of success
it’s those who persevere longer than others and maintain more resiliency in the face of
challenge that succeed more. So, if you ever hear yourselves saying, “I
tried everything”, know that’s a big, bad story you’re telling yourself and say,
“No, I haven’t tried everything. Let me get some advice. Let me ask some more people. Let me start keeping a trail of what I have
tried so I can say, ‘Already did that. Already did that’ but I did this but I didn’t
do it in that way.” There’s a lot of new things you can keep
trying to keep getting ahead. Don’t give up on your goals and your dreams
just because you tried four or five things. It’s very true that often you’re closer
than you think my friend. The second big thing, walk with me, is a big
one. A huge one and this one people say to me all
the time. “Sure, that works for him or that works
for her but that wouldn’t work for me.” Have you ever said that? Right. You have this big goal or dream. You see your mentor, you see your dreams. They are doing it but you’re like, “Oh,
that wouldn’t work for me because that’s not my style” or “I’m not like that”
or “She has this and he has that” and we false compare ourselves to others and we
think they’re so special. We, still in this culture today, we still
pretend that there are some people who just have ‘it’ and other people don’t have
‘it’. Right? We think, “Oh well, he’s just naturally
good at that. She’s just born to be that.” But in everything that we study, those who
achieve high performance in their life, they trained, they conditioned, they practiced,
they sucked at first but they were okay with that. They were cool with not being good and then,
they just kept getting better and better and better and better and better. And now, you watch them today and you’re
like, “Oh wow, I could never be like that” but the reality is you could. You just got to put in the miles. I share that with you just knowing how I started
my career. I used to say that too. I looked at these people on television or
these big YouTubers. I’d see these people on big stages motivating
people and I thought, “Well, I’m not like that” because me, I’m more of an introverted
person in general when I started this career and I’ve had to learn to be more and more
extroverted to be good at all of this. But I’d say, “Well, I’m not like that.” And the reality was, I wasn’t like that
but I had a mission and I had a dream and you should never make your mission or your
dream bow down to your current limited strengths. Instead, you should say, “If that’s what
I want, how could I rise up into that? How could I train? What knowledge, skill, ability do I need to
learn and start learning right now so that I could have that dream my friend?” Because you deserve it. So, stop telling yourself you can’t have
it. I get it all the time, “Well, sure that
works for Brendon on video.” I’m like, “What? Works for Brendon on video?” Like I came out of the womb like, “Hi guys,
I’m Brendon Burchard.” Like, no. This took me forever. I’m doing this extemporaneous in our new
office. I don’t know how it’s going to go either. I just trust in that process and you know,
for me, my first video that I ever did was so horrible. Okay, my first year of videos, they were terrible,
they were awful, they were uncomfortable. Some of you still don’t even like what I’m
doing now. That’s fine. It’s okay. I just know that I’m always trying to get
better and better and better and grow into the person who I know deserves that dream,
who earns that dream. No one you’re looking to, none of your heroes
just came out of the womb and by natural birthright or innate talent got there. They usually outworked their peers. They usually showed up more often. They usually were more strategic in getting
a good peer group around them to support them, to champion on, to push them. Notice I didn’t say, they had a better peer
group. They knew that was important, so they developed
it because we often say, “Well yeah, that strategy works for him because he’s got
a big community” or “That strategy works for her because she’s charismatic”. No, if there’s a strategy, you can deploy
it. You can work the same thing. Would you get the same results as someone
who has 10 more years of experience as you? Probably not. They put on some more miles but look, no matter
how small you start, start something that matters. It’s the great Zig Ziglar who taught us,
right? You don’t have to be great to start but
you have to start to become great. Never look at people and say, “Well sure,
she can. I can’t.” Because that’s defeatist. It is wrong and it is holding you back my
friend. Let’s go on. That’s number one and two and here we go. I think this one is a huge one and it kills
people’s lives all the time. The third big dumb thing people say is, “You
just don’t understand.” And then, they quit. Just like that. When they say, “I’ve tried everything.” They quit. “Well, she can do it, sure.” They quit. And then they say, “Well, they don’t understand
me. You don’t understand me.” And then, they quit. Here’s the thing. If you think people can’t understand your
journey, then your ego has gotten the best of you. And I do say that with all due respect but
there’s 7 billion people alive on the planet right now. Somebody, not only has gone through what you’re
going through, somebody is going through what you are going through. To have any imagination that people can’t
understand you is a false story that ego says that, “I’m so special.” And either, “I’m so special because I’m
so great” or “I’m so special because I’m so diminished and so hurt” and these
stories are stories we tell ourselves and it ends up dividing us from people. It builds a wall to protect ourselves because
we don’t want to be vulnerable or we’re bitter because we have tried to communicate
to people that maybe our communication style wasn’t so good. That was the case for me. In college, many of you know, I was depressed
and suicidal after the breakup with the first woman I ever loved. And I thought, “Lots of people”, I thought,
“They can’t understand me. They’ve never had their heart broken like
this, not like this”. And I told myself the story and I kept saying,
“Well, they don’t understand”. So, I wouldn’t tell my friends because I
thought, “Well, they haven’t been through a breakup like this”. So, I didn’t tell them. Everybody can understand a broken heart. I’ve had to sit down with parents who lost
their children to cancer and say to them, “I understand this is difficult” and they’d
say, “Well, you don’t understand, Brendon. You don’t have a child who has been lost
to cancer.” But we don’t have to go through the exact
same things to have human empathy and caring. See, by you not telling people what you really
feel, what happen is, they’re not able to ask the questions to see what support your
need. You’re right, maybe, they can’t help you
but they can understand and find someone who could help you. The more that you hold back, the more that
you’re going to be in trouble. When it comes to personal growth, in silence,
that’s where suffering is. Soon as you say, “They don’t understand”,
that’s when you stop communicating. That’s when you stop trying. That’s when you wave everybody away. Because you know what people say. When you say, “You don’t understand”,
you know what you’re less likely to do? Raise your hand and ask for help because you
go, “Well, they don’t understand.” So now, you’re just … “Nobody can understand. I’m not going to try anymore. Screw them. They won’t listen anyway.” And you go into your little silo and all of
a sudden, you’re not living life fully connected with other people who are the ones who could
help you in the first place. Sometimes, in our own belief that we are so
special or so hurt or even so good or so skilled and we think, “Well, they don’t understand
us”, whether you say that as a CEO, “My team doesn’t understand me” or you say
it as a spouse, “Well, my spouse doesn’t understand me” or you say it to your family,
“My family doesn’t understand me”, that’s just ego. Everybody can understand you. Now, you need to develop better communication
style to help them understand. That’s what I had to do. After I realized that maybe, people could
understand my depression, my heartache. I realized, “You know what? Maybe, I need to learn how to communicate
in a different way so they could understand how what was going on in my life is really
affecting me” and so, I could communicate in a better way what I needed for some help. That’s all. Sometimes, we just have to learn to communicate
more what we’re going through with people to be more explicit, not drop hints but just
say, “This is what I’m going through and this is what I need help on.” And you know what? If you tell people that consistently, often
enough with an open mindset, you will find you get more help in the world. So, here we are three things so far. I’ve tried everything, Brendon. Sure, that works for them, Brendon, but not
for me. And you don’t understand, Brendon.” These things hurt your personal growth and
then, there is one more big one. And this one I hate it. Alright. This is the one. I don’t have many pet peeves in my entire
life. I’ve been coaching professionally for 10
years now and I’ve been deeply immersed in the research and psychology, personal development,
neuroscience and behavioral economics and everything I can get my hand on to understand
the human condition. This one, I’m not going to lie. I can’t understand it. I hate it. When people say this to me, and they say this
all the time on my Facebook post, on my YouTube thing. I have to go, “Calm down…” because it’s
so obnoxious and I see it steal so many people’s lives. Here’s what they say though. “Brendon sure, easier said than done.” Perhaps, the dumbest reason ever not to try
something. Right? That’s what people say, “Easier said than
done.” Sure, so I will say something like, “Hey,
you know what? Be more kind to your loved ones.” And someone will post, “Easier said than
done.” I’m like, “So, you’re not going to try?” Hey, you know what? Try to develop a morning routine where you
take five minutes for yourself. “Easier said than done. I have children.” I will say, “Hey, you know what? Try to set goals that are a little harder.” “Easier said than done, people can be disappointed.” Easier said than done is a defeatist statement
and it’s also kind of dumb and here’s why I say it’s dumb. Think about this, easier said than done. What isn’t easier said than done? Right. Everything is easier said than done. “Gee honey, I’m going to go get that ice
cream in the fridge.” Easier said than done”. That’d be accurate. “I’m going to pick up that paperclip”. Easier said than done. Everything is easier said than done. So, it’s a stupid universal thing that we
say but we often stop after it and that’s what I don’t want you to do. So, with all these things in mind, I know
I’m playing fun a little bit that these things are dumb but here’s what I would
like to share with you. If you’re struggling and you’re trying
to get ahead, examine them. Do you ever find yourselves saying, “I’ve
tried everything. That works for her. You don’t understand. Or easier said than done.” Because what would happen in your life if
you’d just flipped it around a little bit? What would happen instead of saying “I’ve
tried everything”, you said, “What else could I try that would help me feel fully
engaged and more likely to progress?” That’s all. “What else could I try that would help me
be fully engaged and progressed? What else?” And start keeping that list. What if, instead of saying, “Sure, she can
do that. Works for her but wouldn’t work for me.” What if, instead you said, “You know what? I see that working for somebody else, let
me try that and practice and get better and better and better and better.” What if instead of saying, “You don’t
understand”, what if you said, “Hey, I’m struggling right now. I’m wondering if I could share something
out. I’d love to see if you could understand
or could give me some advice right now” and you enter the situation with humility. And what if, instead of saying, “Oh, that’s
easier said than done”, you said, “Let me try that because I bet that might be effective.” Look, we can all be pessimists in life. It’s easy to be that today. There’s a lot of negativity. There’s a lot of just disturbing information
out online. We see it every day. It’s why I spend so much time and my team
spends so much time delivering to you guys great personal development as much as we can
and I appreciate all of your support of my books, my online courses. Our five million people here on Facebook,
our unbelievable community on YouTube, our blog readers and everybody who sees us out
at the seminars or maybe, you will see me out on tour one day. This year, I will be out on the road quite
a bit but we do all of that exactly to counter this negative thinking. So, I’d love for you to just take a few
moments, maybe, tonight and just ask yourself, “Are there some things I’ve been telling
myself in my head that have been holding me back? And what if I flipped them?” Often, we will say to ourselves, “What if
this negative thing happens?” What if we asked, “What if this positive
thing happens?” I know that sounds so silly and you might
as well say, “Well, Brendon, you’re just teaching positive thinking” but I would
be honored if that’s what you thought I was doing. I think, I don’t know how do you feel about
it right now. I think the world needs a little bit of a
positive thinking. I think people need a little bit of that belief
in themselves. I think they need to believe that they can
keep at it, keep going. I think right now, we all need a reminder
sometimes, you know what? You’re stronger than you think and the future
holds good things for you. I appreciate you being here. I look forward to seeing you out on the road. Until then, go every single day of your life. Remember, that you can think more positively. Remember, that the world is an abundant place. Remember, that other people need you to rise
and lead right about now. And if you remember those things, you can
live, The Charged Life.

100 thoughts on “4 DUMB THINGS WE SAY (that prevent our growth)

  1. First thanks a million
    till now i can not find my passion ,every day i discover a new thing and decide to specialize in ,but i quit after a while .
    ???what should i do
    how could i get my passion????

  2. I starter following about 2-3 years ago. I don't watch often but when I do it is always the right word. There is so much passion when you say it it is really powerful

  3. I think Brendon speaks very truly, passion & well meant to help peoples who are looking to learn, improve, motivation in their lives whenever they get stuck. He uses a few good examples to remind us to try new things and do not give up easily in life.

  4. I like the way this guy talks. He is both funny and professional. I love his enthusiasm about life! His videos are truly inspiring!

  5. LOL, I've said all of them 😀 but they are dumb statements, I like the prospective he's coming from. Good video!!

  6. Brendon I wan to ask u something what to do when there is a person affecting my goals or dreams ? And still I don't want to lose this person

  7. Great video! I'm guilty of "it works for them but not for me". I think our society pushes the idea that in-born talent carries a lot more weight than practice and experience, creating the idea that only certain people can accomplish certain things.

  8. Brendon, I'd LOVE to have your take, your perspective, on EXTERNAL limitations. MY story is one of repeated successes that were then stopped by others. It can be hard to keep "getting up to bat" after (basically) getting fired, being thrown out of homes, physical/psychological abuse.

  9. Your walking around makes it very lively & focused.One of your greatest videos… Big thanks as you choose to share & help, every possible way out.

  10. "easier said than done" I hear that everytime if someone wanna demotivate me to try and do something and also when I ask someone to do something out of their comfort zone. And that's the real problem I think people don't really wanna leave their comfort zone and say these kind of irrational excuses. Once I heard a story from a friend he asked me to go touch the door of my room and make it back to him I did it then he said if that was hard I replied not at all, then he said imagine that you're a child learning to walk first time and you're mom asks you to go touch that door would it be easy for you, I said not at all, then he asked that if it's hard then would you not go and touch that door and never learn walking, I said that no I would go and touch that door in order to learn walking, he replied even if it's the most toughest job for you at that time( I am a child 1 year old) you would go, because everything is hard before it becomes easier. That's what changed me

  11. by the way i have someone who motivates me more than brandon my friend kenny he tells me all the time it will never work

  12. I love the stickeys on the wall…different.
    Related to 9:04 as I have lost my daughter to suicide and I have listened to Brendon's video about dealing with tragedy many times. Helped me alot. Love ya stuff, Brendon.


  14. They can understand you, but still, say it's crap.

    I'm sure Steve Jobs (putting him as the idol here) did communicate well on what he wanted to do! They just didn't understand him.

    Now, this is conversational.

    There are things that work for someone that are totally opposite for someone else.

    Some people eat 6meals a day, some 1meal a day. They both achieve phenomenal results.

    It depends on the person. I mean, there is more than one way. There are things that people can understand, but might now have the same vision or experience, and that's why they just won't get it.

    Now, this is a very complex subject to talk about lol I'm just thinking about this myself.

    But on the Brendon side, sure! In the circumstances, most people are, probably true.

    You know, this is the same as 'I know what I said better' – well, not really. It can be, or not.

    I think this is just complex 😀

  15. Thanks Brendon! I'm a new subscriber. I totally agree with everything you've said, it's so true and we should learn and train ourselves to improve and develop.

  16. hey Brendon, I have been watching your videos since quite a long time. I really wanted your help personally. how can I write you or contact you?

  17. I guess I can legitimately become a "life coach" now. …because this is so bizarre to me.

    I don't compare myself to anyone, I'm 40. that's a child's way of thinking. ….I cannot believe my mom's friend sends me this shit like Im out here making world changes. big-time things. no one knows, but to broadcast would be a problem. ……I wish this guy all the success in the world, and seems he's helping many. I hope he is happy….and it works for him.

    good job!

  18. You are so good at expresing what you think. A suggestion though, use more colors in your back ground or in the main presentation of your ideas. It helps to draw attention and focus into what you are saying or explaining.

  19. Brendon, I just love your style! I love how you, in non-verbal language, are proud to own your goofy and simple personality! For me sense of humor with "innocence" is gold. I mean make people laugh without hurting anyone's feelings, without making fun of others…

    I've also paid attention to the simple gadgets you use. In the era of technology you still use flip charts and paper when you obviously can afford so much more!

    You have to be brave to do so. You have to know exactly what your message is. By keeping it simple you get closer to your audience. Sometimes people can't afford being fancy and super high-tech. When we see someone with your amount of success doing that… It gives us the feeling that we don't need lots of stuff to succeed even at a higher level. That what we invest in our minds in addition to our efforts maybe are enough. At least to start out.

    As an exemple, this is the first video that I've watched in which you use a big TV. And you still managed to do it in a way that this is not the center of your presentation. That you aren't in non-verbal language bragging about how fancy you are. You just rock!

    I don't know if someone from your team will see this comment and maybe will tell you, but… I wanted to say it anyway 🙂 🙂 🙂

    It's my attempt to give you feedback and by doing it maybe contribute in any sort of tiny way to someone who, while doing his own game, helped me a ton!

    Thanks Brendon, keep rocking!

  20. I just had a miserable f!!!!en day at work, with a co-worker who is really convinced that she is so great (kind of a narcissist) and can now put everyone else down (directly insulting them, but behind their backs) who hasnt done "the great deed " that she has..uuggff…really pulled me down made me feel like nothing, and watching your video now, has really helped me to feel like there is a way out of that miserable situation and into a better one that I can feel Ive deserved, basically putting me back on track, so thank ypu and Thank God for positive people who show they genuinely want to help others, besides only themselves, get back on the right track.

  21. you're so right especially when it comes to age. there are so many people who think to themselves I'm too old to have that career or I'm too old to have that relationship with that person which is absolute rubbish.

  22. the problem with many people is that When All Is Said and Done a lot more is said than is done 🙂

  23. It's interesting watch while you learn English. You don't understend almost nothing, and he talks, that you will be able to understend, simply don't stop. 🙂 I hope that it can be understood. I at first write a comment in english, it's fun 😀

  24. I really like your videos and i have used them to improve my english. Thank you for your advices . I am grateful for It.

  25. Brendon, it's a month I'm watching your videos and the way I think and feel things is changing in a positive way! You are awsome and wonderful. So postive and so natural. Just thanks for being this amazing and helpful!!

  26. Hi Brendon, I came across another one of your videos earlier this week. A few short days before I found it, I had a lot of things I didn't like in my life, and I had just made the decision to change it. I had made a couple feeble attempts in the past, but lacked the motivation. This time I decided to start a blog as a way to hold myself accountable and document my journey. I made a promise to myself. Then, a couple days later I came across that video of yours, and it shook me to my very core. It had such a profound impact on me, and everything shifted. I know I will never be the same again. Since then, I have been watching your videos, as well as videos by Jim Rohn, and I have already learned so much in just the span of a week. I look forward to continually learning and working on my personal development. Thank you so much for the work you are doing. It truly does make a difference.

  27. Hie brendon your just an Incredible personality Don't stop youtubing for the sake of humanity ….some of us listen to you silently but really deeply resonate with what your saying and it moves us to become more that what we are today

  28. My favorite saying from this video os “You should never let your dreams or goals bow down to your current limited skills or strengths”

  29. Is the 10x book still available? I watched this vid i think a year ago and does it still look like THAT? 😂

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